I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
