when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
