Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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