What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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