What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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