I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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