I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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