every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
