You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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