So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
