What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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