Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
