I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
