I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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