Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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