Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
