zippers are such a cool invention
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
