Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
