can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
