I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
