Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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