I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize