Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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