Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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