she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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