i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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