I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize