She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
