Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
