I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
