i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
