I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize