There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
