The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
