Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
