i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
