i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
