We won't sleep together?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
