My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
