Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i need some magic done to my vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
