I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All the doctor said was why
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
