I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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