Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
