I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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