just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
