did you get engaged???
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
