i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
