I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
