What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize