I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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