wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
