my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
