It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
