I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
