The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You ruined the universe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
