not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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