My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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