i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
