I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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