I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
