So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
