and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I smell like Dick and happiness
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
