I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
