i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
