I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
