I'm going to jail i love you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
