Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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