we have pet lesbian snakes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
