Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
