I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
