So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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