Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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