i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize