I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
