If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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